an Exxxcerpt from Steve Abee's The Bus
 
 
 

Highland Avenue or Pussy Eye

 There it is ADULT BOOKS, which means SEX. Sex is lovely, it is love, and like everything in this world it has been maligned by the energy of the dead eyed fish sphincter that rules this sphere.   I’ve been to that porno shop. I’ve been to most of them in the city. I have been to these things in San Francisco and in New York, Times Square, baby. I remember back when the jack off booths in Los Angeles had doors. I guess that makes me old school. This here joint is a scummy joint. Which  makes it just like the rest of the ones I’ve been in. There was a time when I went often to porn places, but then they took the doors off the jack off booths and I got a VCR myself and just stopped going. Once in a while, before  the VCR, I’d go anyway just to watch a porno movie. I’d be driving down the street, real late, like 4 or 5 in the morning, crackely wind,  weary dereliction in the air, no one is out and no one should be, but there I would be driving around the city, looking for something, not friends, not people, waiting for the sun to rise. I’d read all the magazines, leered at the whores, and then I would end up checking out the porno pussy, taking my bent need to the back rooms. This one joint up on Cahuenga and Hollywood, sight of an old Jazz Club and according to some book I read, the same address where Lenny Bruce did his thing way way back in the day, which made me feel better, walking in, looking around but not at anyone, the Mexican guy behind the counter checking you out, just seeing who you are, then he’d go back to the conversation with his friends who had stopped by to hang out and look at pussy mags,  and I would get some tokens and go get a booth and check out a flick and by the booths there’d be the hustlers, the kids of the street, long hair hesher blonde stringy no eyes for the light head down leaning on the back wall,  as you went to watch your movie, late at night and  nothing else to do, waiting for the sunrise, smoking all the air,  back then you could smoke places, smoke lots of places, smoke watching porno in Lenny Bruce’s old joint, Jazz ghosts and cum shots, and I’d just sit and watch some ass fucking or whatever and the queen hustlers would come by and  check you out, see if you wanted them to suck your cock or if you wanted some ass yourself, really nice too, guys would say “Hi, can I help you,” or “Can I suck your cock?”  “No, no, that’s cool.” I never got mad. Why would I get mad. They were just trying to be nice. Then  they’d leave and I’d get off, wipe off and go, nodding satisfied with a cum high, feeling like a proper scum ball freak in the super Angel Cahuenga dog night.  I always thought someone should make a movie of the place. Just let the cameras roll. Get close up on the faces. Look for the  reasons.

   Porno, it’s all about jacking off to stupid and pure fucking, no love in sight, no soul, just empty cum and that is a great thing in its way. Jacking off, it is a great thing. Watching people fuck and jacking off to them fucking: it is despicably excellent. This is how I see it: these people are giving their pussies and cocks so that you may jack off. Sure they are getting paid and paid kinda well, but still you cannot price these things. They are sacrificing their nakedness. Giving it to you and your need. They aren’t dry humping the world, mock acts of perversity meant to titillate the consumer into thinking they are extreme. This isn’t MTV. This isn’t Madonna. This is real unreality going to the wall, up the ass, taking it all, losing the hardest and looking the skankiest and it is what we are: fuckers. It’s what makes the world so mad. I want it. I can’t get it. I don’t want you. I can’t stand you, and it is all being done on TV.

  The cock, fat cock, which is really what men love to see, a good looking dick being sucked on, it’s great, then it goes into the lovely honey pot, everyone is screaming, everyone is sucking this and that, want to come just thinking about it.  Fucking is nice, it is so nice that everyone wants it...

 Everything happens when you are fucking, war is waged, childhood relived, oceans form, you become a mindless thing again, you are in the ocean, you are not wrong when you are fucking,  fucking rules, I think we all agree, and movies about fucking, they make you come, make me come, want to come, and coming is nice too, coming is one of things what makes fucking so nice, getting warm and goofy, oh oh aah aha, yeah uhhhuhhh, head bobbing... Sex is more real than death, more feared. We really are animals and there would be mayhemic sex at every stop light, in fact there would be no stop light, hell if people fucked like they should there’d be no 7-11, no Freeway, who’d have time for any of that stuff?

  So there I would be: getting  off, looking at the people, thinking they have given their sex up to the camera, they have given it up here, for me and my lonely rosy handed brethren,  and as the camera get’s close you see a speck of eye that shocks you, shocks you because it is clearly the speck of iris that is lost, that cannot be convinced that this is good, that what has just happened is for good, there is that fact in every porn fuck that it shouldn’t happen, that it is a caged animal, a slave ship full,  everyone of those pussies belongs to someone who turned in their homework and wrote valentines to their mom, and now they are a body of idiot flesh being pumped full of hog for the butchers of lust.  Pure exploitation, rape, meat rack,  no love  fucks. It is driven by another spirit, a mean and sad one. Sex is insane, it will always fuck us up and  call us out. It is our  belly need, the anger of our ages sweating through the mud of evolution, rage of  gold, the rage of animal. We cannot let the animal loose, chain the fucker up. There is no chain can hold us. It is all out on the streets and walls. You cannot deny the dog.

  We know the dog and the dog is us, balls to the wall. There should be nice places where you can go and take care of your business solo. I believe in masturbation. It is a good thing. It beats cheating on your love. There should be nice rooms. Pay a couple extra dollars for  air conditioning. What if sex and masturbation and lust and desire weren’t bad. What if fucking wasn’t a sin. Would there be scummy porn joints full of sad seed desire.  What if like it was all normal. If porno was normal and famous people talked about it like they talk about movies or music, saying: “The reason I stayed in school was because of Sodomy class.”  or “Yeah, you know me and my friends used to make porno’s in the garage. You know kids stuff. First we  made them  with our pets, you know, like most kids, we put little hats on the dog and well, you know, the rest is history.” But it’s not  that way. All the porno people are bent, twisted, hardened in the heart, the women get used up, the men stay hard and lonely, they’re all fucked up and fucked up is all there is to be. It is all this world has to offer. It is the only path of love this world has. Blunted Tweaked Fried Wacked Wasted Stoned. Drink the poison down, smoke the smut, but it doesn’t work, none of it works, not for long, not for real, you can’t make the real when you are fucked up, all you can make is fucked up, you can’t make a family and a wife, not me, get crazy when I’m too much drinking, all these vices, the world’s grip on you: They separate you from your love, yourself, you can’t come home and say “Hi Honey, just been hanging out at the Peep Show. Sure some fine vagina down there. Did a couple lines of speed after I jacked off, now I feel great. What’s for dinner. How are the kids? Where are my socks, have you seen my eyeballs, I need a new roto rooter, do you got a cracked piece of glass I can saw my head off with, ah honey, what’s wrong, it was just a line, just a joke, I didn’t look that close...” Na, it’s all shit.

  What’s good about sex is celestial, is hosanna lovely, is Arcadian dew drops from outside the world of crime,  how can a guy not get off watching people fuck, thinking about fucking, men like to watch, we are watchers, watchers of baseball and history, the cosmos and the sea, so we sure as hell are gonna watch some fine ass bitches fucking a dude with fine ass cock. Bitches and cocks, its down to it, its elevator to the bottom, no more floors, its submarine flesh speak, gotta have some T Bone, listen to me, I am flipping, flipping pages of sex dream, bitch is a girl dog, cock is a rooster, a fucker, so it ain’t about people, it’s about dog fucking rooster rape, and we are this in a way that our minds will never understand and we are more than any fucking dog ass sodomite can ever get to with all his Larry Flynt jet streams of dream gone disease.

 Oh bad world of addictions you fuck with me too much. You have fucked with my mind and left this stink in my veins. You know it is because I love nasty and need it that way. You know it is because I am insane. I want to slobber. My johnson, my albert, has a will of sky size Now, wants to talk eonic, volcanic, irrational zones of must, stellar ejacula, vehicular luna sea weed in the vein, the main vein, oh it is so good to be lovely with my lovely... I must must meditate,  get the body off of my mind, I must sit cross legged here and, turn the bus into an ashram, a yoga center,  I must  get with new age music and bells,  turn everyone on to saffron robes and gifts of orange. The loony lady sitting three seats away and the man with the hairy back will be holding sticks of incense and chanting  something blissful  in another language... I should begin a gnostic sex cult that fucks its way to Sophia’s first world of truth, white robed orgies of bearded new age perverts sucking and fucking the ordained white swan pussy.

 “What can we do, Steve?” speaks my body to my head.

 “Give me a hand full of orgasm and a room with a dream on each wall. Give me some time with my lady. Put the kids to bed early. Just  tell me everything is alright.  Just let the rain down.”

 “Hold her when you see her and let her know, let her know you love her every way you can.”  Enough.

 On the real: Porno is sad, but some of that big dong sucking is beautiful. What can you do?
 

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